Posted in family life

Traveling with toddlers, part 2

Posted on by kristinabean

…schedules, routines, logistics, and sanity…

If your toddlers are anything like mine, they do best with predictable routines, familiar places, and people they know. They also tend to wake up early, go to bed early, and require multiple meals, snacks, and at least one nap every day. In normal life, where the family schedule accommodates these routine toddler needs, it’s not a big problem – but when every day is spent in a new place with extended family who aren’t accustomed to operating on toddler time, it can be more of a challenge.

For instance, what do you do when your toddlers are up at 7 but a few of the adults in the group like to sleep until 10? You can try to keep your kids quiet in the house during their most energetic hours, or you can take them out on your own with the result that they are going down for naps just as the rest of the family is finally up and ready – neither of which are great options! We used both of these options at different times, depending on how the previous night went, but I think the ideal solution would be to have an outdoor play space within walking distance, so the kids can get out of the house or hotel without getting totally worn out from a big excursion. Of course, this can be difficult to plan in advance!

The other big adjustment we found helpful for the trip was counting on car time for snacks and naps. If you’re visiting a city where most activities or people to visit are a 30 minute drive away (or more), coordinating a drive with a tired hour or bringing along food lets you get in the essentials without making the whole group sit around the house for an extra hour or so. With my parents, my brother, my sister and her husband, my grandmother, and various other family members who lived in the area, the added flexibility and time saved by utilizing car time was huge.

In the end, though, you can never really predict how a toddler will respond to the more spontaneous and potentially overwhelming schedule of a vacation, and it’s important to remember that. Encourage them when they are doing well, and reassure them when they’re struggling – after all, you are their one constant through the craziness of travel, and they need to know they can count on you to understand, love, and empower them. Don’t be surprised if they are a bit more clingy and cuddly than normal, especially at bedtime! Just enjoy the extra closeness and remember that they’ll be back to normal when they’re back home in their regular routine.

Posted in family life

traveling with toddlers, part 1

Posted on by kristinabean

… in which planes are discussed, with their various pros and cons …

In general, I think car trips are preferable to plane trips with little kids. They tend to be less expensive (especially once the kids are too old to fly for free!), they allow for more convenient and accessible packing, and they don’t include quite as much waiting around in lines and other random airport places. However, certain places are just too far away for a road trip to be logistically pleasant. Most of my extended family lives in either upstate New York or South Florida, and the thought of a 33 hour drive (one-way!) with multiple toddlers and babies is daunting. Doable, perhaps, if necessary – but difficult, and the driving time ends up taking away from the time spent visiting family, since time away from work is inherently limited. So sometimes planes win, despite my distaste.

When a plane flight becomes necessary, the next order of business is to find a route and time. We were able to find a non-stop this time around, which is preferable for obvious reasons, but when it isn’t (like when we went to visit the New York branch of the family last year) I think it is easier to have one long leg and one short leg, so the littlest kids can (hopefully!) nap during the long flight. They do take a while to settle down, even when they’re young and tired enough to sleep comfortably on a parent’s lap.

As far as times go, I am of mixed feelings. When we flew with an almost-two-year-old and a six-month-old, the redeye flight was perfect for us. They both slept well through the whole flight and relieved us of the difficulty of entertaining two fidgety, trapped children for 5 hours. This year, however, with a three-year-old and an eighteen-month-old, the redeye was a bit more challenging. It took the boys a lot longer to settle down, and it was harder for them to get comfortable and to stay asleep. So my advice would be to take the redeye with babies (especially if they are good attached sleepers – I wouldn’t have wanted to fly with Rondel as an infant even though he’s great now), but try for daytime flights with slightly older children. Daytime flights have the added benefit of setting kids up for a good first night’s sleep on the vacation, instead of messing with their sleep schedules and leaving you with exhausted and cranky kids on the first day there.

And what do you do with those kids on the airplane?

I have to admit that I rely fairly heavily on snacks, especially snacks of a sort we don’t often eat at home – goldfish, chocolate granola bars, and so on. If I’d really been thinking ahead we would also have had healthier options like cheese, apples, and other fruits, but I wasn’t as prepared this time. Books are also great on an airplane, where you do have the chance to sit next to your kids and read to them that is often missing on a road trip and really helps with pre-readers! A few toys can be good, but I limit my kids at this age to two each (so they can carry them and I can easily keep track of them), and I make sure they aren’t too small or too round and rollable. Paper and pencils are also good, but as with the toys, I try to limit the options so that crayons and pencils aren’t falling all over the seats and rolling under the chairs. I try not to use devices and videos unless my margin is almost gone and the kids have reached a breaking point, because if I have the emotional energy for it I’d rather use the forced time together to interact and relate, kind of on the principle of it – but a video is far better than losing your temper and screaming at (or with!) your kids on the airplane 🙂

What are some of your experiences and tips for plane travel?

Posted in family life

no one gets excited about birthdays like a little kid

Posted on by kristinabean

July is an busy time of year for birthdays in my extended family: my brother is on the 5th, Rondel is on the 11th, and my grandmother is on the 14th. It’s especially exciting this year because it’s my grandma’s 80th birthday and we’re spending some time with her for the occasion, so the birthday celebration is much larger and more immediate than normal!

With his understanding of the concept of a birthday greatly increased from last year, Rondel has thrown himself into the family celebrations with great gusto. When we all sang Happy Birthday to my brother, Rondel was so excited that he got up and ran around the room in circles through the whole song, and then proceeded to watch and “help” my brother open his presents. Just this morning, when Bisa Carmen came over and we asked him if he wanted to sing to her, he circled the room 5 or 6 times singing “happy birthday to you!” at the top of his voice with such a big smile that he couldn’t help laughing from sheer happiness at the end of every phrase.

He’s been reaping the benefits of visiting extended family around his birthday, too, with extra cake and presents at multiple events along the way (although he somehow now thinks he had two birthdays instead of one and should thus be four years old instead of three).

But at his birthday party back at home, which was going to be just a fun playdate with the cousins with swimming and cake thrown in, he was too tired and sick to really enjoy the festivities.

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sick kid sitting up just long enough to blow out the candles
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With a little help from Daddy 🙂

Limerick and the cousins played while Rondel rested on the couch, and he didn’t have the appetite to eat any of his birthday cake.

Not that he didn’t still have some fun, but it was more toned down. If we hadn’t been leaving to visit the extended family the next day, I would have postponed the party, but it wasn’t logistically doable.

So, I am glad the celebration was able to continue into the vacation, so he could have the full birthday joy – both on the giving and the receiving end.

Posted in family life

best friends

Posted on by kristinabean

Rondel has a rudimentary understanding of the concept of “best friends” from watching the Pixar Cars movie, where Mater and Lightning are best friends despite the major differences in their personalities and experiences. The other day, this conversation took place between him and his daddy on the topic:

R: Lightning McQueen and Mater are best friends!

D: Yeah! Do you have a best friend?

R: You do!

D: Is your best friend Mommy?

R: No, your best friend is [Limerick]!

What’s fun for me (and also really rewarding) is to watch this play out in everyday life. When Limerick went down for his nap the day before yesterday, Rondel came up to me with a sad expression on his face, asking where he was because he wanted him. When I told them it was bedtime yesterday because they were acting tired, Rondel declared he wasn’t tired and began a huge list of all the things he was doing instead of acting tired, about five of which included Limerick. When they were showering off after the beach yesterday, Rondel started bopping Limerick with one of his floaties and then stuck his belly out so Limerick could bop him back with the other floaty. And when Rondel was crying hysterically in the car earlier today (because we only had cold water for him instead of ice water – he was really tired), he was only able to calm himself down when I asked him if he could try to calm down for Limerick, since the crying was starting to scare Limerick. He really loves his little brother, in a caring and self-denying way as well as in a playful companion way.

When I read the quote about a new sibling being one of the best gifts you can give to your child, I look at the relationship between Rondel and Limerick and feel that in this case at least it is very, very true. Rondel has matured in so many ways through being an older brother, and had so many happy experiences as well. I have no doubt that our new baby will only expand and deepen the friendship and joy within our family, especially since the boys are already anticipating his or her arrival with great excitement and periodically hug my belly as proxy for hugging the baby, and I am looking forward to watching those relationships unfold as well. And for now, I will enjoy the closeness between my boys and pray that it stays that way for years to come.

Posted in family life

my big three-year-old boy

Posted on by kristinabean

Today my beautiful Rondel turns three years old.

Three seems so young, and yet I can hardly believe that my baby is getting so big so fast. Sometimes it feels like his babyhood was an epoch past, the sleepless nights pacing with a crying infant a half-remembered dream from another life, and yet it was only three years ago that I began that adventure, three years ago that my newborn’s first reaction to meeting his mom was to start nursing with the most enthusiastic latch ever, three years ago that my life changed in more ways than I can number.

The memories fade and feel so distant, leaving me with just the three-year-old Rondel to know and love and guide through life. The Rondel who talks constantly – to me, to himself, as one toy to another – and turns his emotions and stories into songs. The Rondel who lives in a world of his imagination, populated by his toys and the characters from the books he loves. The Rondel who calls his little brother his best friend, and asks for him when he’s napping. The Rondel who articulates his needs and feelings incredibly well, and comes up with strategies to handle his sensitivities and struggles that I wouldn’t even think of. The Rondel who who still loves to snuggle and will burrow himself into me for cuddles.

And someday that Rondel will be gone too, just memories, built into his older and more-defined self. It is such a privilege and a joy to watch him grow, to help him grow, to be a part of his maturing, but I’m starting to realize that it may be bittersweet.

But for him, right now, it is all joy as he gains new skills and knowledge, as the big world around him becomes more understandable and accessible, as the big world within him becomes richer and less unmanageable.

Happy birthday, big boy! I love you!

 

 

Posted in family life

Limerick doing dishes

Posted on by kristinabean

If Limerick hears water running, he is there in seconds begging to be included.

When my husband goes out in the morning to water the garden, Limerick bursts into violent tears if the back door shuts him out.

When I turn on the bathtub faucet to get in the shower, Limerick is somehow immediately there frantically trying to climb in.

And whenever anyone attempts to wash the dishes, he clamors to be lifted up to “do dishes!” too, throwing himself at us and the counter until we set him up by the sink.

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tucked between the sink and the drying rack, surrounded by towels to catch the overflow!

Because he loves “helping” with the dishes so much, we usually let him continue to play with the sink after all the dishes are actually clean, giving him a few bowls and cups to fill and pour, and he will contentedly occupy himself with those things while Rondel and I clean other nearby parts of the house or prepare dinner – so it is really quite a useful thing!

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Besides which, the practice of balancing the full cups and bowls, and the dexterity required to pour them out into another bowl, is really quite valuable for fine motor development.

And he’s just so cute doing it 🙂

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Posted in book lists

favorite books at almost-three

Posted on by kristinabean

I think it’s time for another book list!

Rondel, about a week away from his third birthday, has discovered that subset of children’s books that have bears as the protagonists, and is completely in love with them. His favorites span quite a wide range of reading level (from board books to chapter books) but it seems like the bears are the appeal right now. So from easiest to most difficult, here are his current favorite bear books!

The Moonbear/Bear Books by Frank Asch

There are a lot of these books; Asch was a pretty prolific author! My parents have at least 12 of them (including 4 board books) from my brother’s toddlerhood, and Rondel loves them all. He’ll bring out the whole pile of books and contentedly rotate through them until the adult reader has to take a break! Some of our favorites include:

Sand Cake

In which a baby bear and his papa find a creative way to bake and eat a cake at the beach, even though all they can see is ocean and sand.

Skyfire

In which Moonbear worries that the sky is on fire when he sees a rainbow, and does his best to put it out despite Little Bird’s reassurances.

Moongame

In which Little Bird teaches Moonbear how to play hide-and-seek, and Moonbear asks the moon to play along.

But really, it is hard to go wrong with the Moonbear books. My personal favorites are Mooncake and Moondance! He is a very endearing character – not the brightest, which lets even little kids see the humor of the situations he gets himself into – but very genuine and open. He deeply cares about the things in his world, whether it’s the sky, the moon, the clouds, or his friends.

Don Freeman’s Bear Books

These two books aren’t part of a series (although one of them does have a sequel, which Rondel hasn’t read yet), but they’re by the same author and capture some of the same innocence and love.

Corduroy, which made it onto Rondel’s favorite book list a year ago, still holds a special place in his heart (and in mine!). We went to the mall this weekend and he saw and escalator for probably the first time and immediately wanted to ride up it because that’s what Corduroy Bear got to do in the book! So of course we did 🙂

Rondel’s new absolute favorite book, though, is another by the same author:

Beady Bear

In which a toy bear discovers in a book that bears ought to live in caves, and so sets out to find a cave and make it his own. The pull for Rondel in this book is when Beady’s friend Thayer comes and finds him and brings him back home with a big hug. After Thayer has found him and wound him back up, Beady asks Thayer, “If I need you, who do you need?” and Rondel always answers, delightedly, before I can turn the page, “Beady!” And then of course we have the perfect excuse for a hug of our own before reading the last few pages 🙂

 

And finally… A.A. Milne’s Winnie the Pooh Stories!

The Complete Tales of Winnie-the-Pooh

If you’ve never read these, you’re missing out. I think most of you, however, are already familiar with the bumbling, innocent, creative characters of Milne’s invention, and it has been a pleasure introducing Rondel to them for the first time. This is the first chapter book we’ve attempted to read aloud together, and I wasn’t sure how it would go, but he has sat captivated for each (long) chapter, asked questions about the stories, and referenced them in conversation afterwards. I’m sure a lot of it goes over his head, but how can you learn if everything you read is at or below the level you can understand already?

So there you have it, our current favorite bear books, courtesy of Rondel at almost-three 🙂

Posted in family life

letters or words?

Posted on by kristinabean

Both of the boys have an interesting pronoun confusion where they use second-person pronouns to refer to themselves and first-person pronouns to refer to other people – so for instance, Limerick will say “Hold you!” when he wants to be picked up, and Rondel will say “You want more ice and water!” when he’s thirsty.

For a while I had just been modeling correct language and reading lots of books, hoping that they would catch on, but while I noticed Rondel modeling the right use of pronouns when making his toys dialogue with each other (imitating the books, I suppose), it didn’t change his personal speech or conversation. So lately my mom and I have been gently correcting him and letting him know the right way to say what he wants to say, or prompting him to fix the pronouns himself by asking him who he’s talking about. I’m not particularly worried about it; it’s just a habit that needs to be straightened out so he can talk to people outside of the family without completely confusing them 🙂

This weekend, I overheard him talking to someone else in his usual mixed-up way – then all of a sudden there was a pause, and he muttered to himself,

“No – need to use different letters!”

And then he said it again using “I” instead of “you” – or in his mind, using “I” instead of “U”!

Posted in family life

a day trip to the mountains

Posted on by kristinabean

Last weekend my husband and I attempted a day trip with the boys, heading up 2.5 hours into the mountains to get into the mountains and out of the heat. I had forgotten just how lush and rich northern Arizona is in the summer – maybe that is why the rest of the country gets so excited about summer! Here in the low desert we mostly just try to survive the summer…

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The boys were excited when we first arrived to explore the trails, the sticks, the walls, the rocks, the sand, the grass, the flowers, and so on. For a while, we just hung out in the field while we waited for my husband to park the car and join us (the trailhead parking lot was full of everyone else trying to escape the Phoenix heat).

I don’t think they’d ever seen so many different types and textures of leaves in one place before! We got to feel the coarse ferns, the velvety mullein, the feathery grasses, and more. The boys hugged all the trees and marveled at the little green crabapples high above them. They sat down in the sandy trail and drew pictures, and made tracks behind them with big sticks. And I breathed in the pine scent and the clean air and reveled in the opportunity to be out of the city… I think I realized for the first time how emotionally oppressive a big city can be, despite all its benefits.

Our hike didn’t last long, unfortunately – the boys grew tired pretty quickly (the car ride up probably didn’t help, and we should have gotten started sooner), and Rondel fell in the creek and melted down because his dry clothes were back in the car. But while it lasted, it was great, and now I’ve learned a few tips to make the next time better! And there will definitely be a next time, because I need to get out of the city again, into the open clean air, to see and smell green growing things. I must admit, I’m a bit jealous of those of you who live with this kind of summer in your backyards 🙂