limerick – Page 13 – little thoughts

a birthday for limerick

Posted on 2015-11-302015-11-30 by kristinabean

Look how big this boy is!

It’s so hard to believe that he’s already a year old. It shouldn’t be that hard since he’s been walking for over two months already… and can say practically anything he puts his mind to (he has 35 distinct words already, that he knows and we know and he can use consistently)… but it really is. At the risk of sounding old (or like my father!), where has the time gone? It seems like yesterday he was just a sleepy newborn snuggled up against me all the time – and now he’s wriggling to get away and play at all times except when he’s tired and ready for bed.

We celebrated with my family at my parents’ house with applesauce cake (in honor of Limerick’s first word, “apple”), balloons, and a few presents. Limerick wasn’t sure about the cake, I think mainly because of the frosting, but he was delighted with the balloons, and quite intensely excited about the presents.

He did have some help opening the presents – I thought it would be both easier and more fun for everyone involved if Rondel was allowed to help, and that was definitely the case. Limerick would rather do everything with Rondel than by himself at this point, and Rondel’s birthday was recent enough that he remembered the excitement of opening presents and was eager to do it again!

Anyway, happy birthday, Limerick! Getting to know you this year, as you have grown and begun to show us your very own brilliant personality, has been such a privilege. Your intensity, your focus, your persistence at accomplishing a task you have set for yourself, your internal motivation, and your confidence are wondrous to behold. The eagerness and delight with which you approach life (especially when Rondel is around to make you laugh) bring me joy every day – it’s hard to stay depressed or angry about life when you are bursting with happiness near me about a ball or a puppy or a baby or your own toots!

You remind me to find the happiness in the simple things as well, just by being yourself. And every day I am thankful that God put you in our family, just when we needed you most, and I pray that we can be just as much of a blessing to you as you grow up. I love you, Limerick.

family life

riding the light rail

Posted on 2015-11-272015-11-25 by kristinabean

On Tuesday I took the boys to the big park on the light rail train instead of walking the mile to get there like we have in the past (I have a pass since I take the train to work every day, and the boys are still young enough to ride free). The children’s museum we frequent has had a train exhibit up for a while, and part of it is themed after the local light rail train, so Rondel has been even more fascinated by it than usual. I have to admit, I used riding on the train as a sort of bribe to get Rondel to leave the museum when it closed for the day…

Anyway, Limerick just wanted to run around and explore the inside of the train, and was upset that I wouldn’t let him do that, but Rondel was completely entranced by just being on the light rail train. Every time it would start moving again after a stop his whole face would light up and he’d exclaim, “it’s driving!!!” He loved it so much, in fact, that when we got off the light rail after our return journey, he almost broke down in tears because he wanted to get back on and ride some more “right now.”

I was worried that it would be a hassle taking two babies and a stroller on the train but now I see that my worries were baseless, and I’ll have to find more destinations for us to ride to 🙂 It’s such a simple thing but it brings so much happiness.

family life, musings

my gentle parenting thanksgiving day mission statement

Posted on 2015-11-262015-11-26 by kristinabean

Today, I will love my children for who they are, the way they are, and not act as though I would rather them be someone different.

Today, I will advocate for my children’s wellbeing instead of feeling embarrassed when they are unable to adjust to unreasonable adult expectations.

Today, I will be the safe place my children need when they are overwhelmed, overstimulated, tired, hungry, or uncomfortable, instead of ignoring them to focus on my own conversations or activities.

Today, I will be mentally and emotionally present for my children, so that I can observe the warning signs before a meltdown ensues, and protect their privacy and dignity by giving them the rest or space they need to recalibrate.

Today, I will do the best that I can do to ensure that my children remember Thanksgiving Day with the whole extended family as a day of joy and togetherness, despite the potential for chaos and stress. And I will do this not by emphasizing to them what Thanksgiving ought to be about, but by equipping them to handle the special challenges of the holidays with confidence and grace.

family life

help! I’m becoming a critical parent!

Posted on 2015-11-252015-11-24 by kristinabean

Not critical of my kids, though – critical of other parenting styles! A couple incidents a few days ago stood out to me particularly.

Limerick and I were playing at a children’s museum by our home and a little girl about his age was there with her parents. She seemed like a sweet little girl but I never really got to see her personality or how she would interact with Limerick because every time they got within two feet of each other her parents would both say, “Share! Share!” in tones reminiscent of the seagulls in Finding Nemo. So she would extend one of her toys to Limerick, and he would typically look at it, take it and set it down next to her, or walk away. She was holding blocks identical to many others on the floor surrounding them, so he wasn’t approaching her out of interest in the toys per se – he was interested in her, who she was, what she was doing, and so on. But her coached response was essentially, “take this toy and leave me alone.” What can you do with that? Limerick eventually gave up and left her alone.

Not twenty minutes later I was playing with trains with Rondel at the same museum and a couple of older boys (maybe 8-10 years old) came up and started touching and trying to move the train he was playing with. When he said “No!” and moved it away from them, one of them looked up at me and commented on how selfish Rondel was. My response probably surprised him: I said, “Not really – he was playing with that toy and you tried to take it from him. You wouldn’t have liked it either if someone did that to you.” The boys then proceeded to play with a different train in a loud, attention-getting way, trying to get Rondel to notice and think the other one was better, and he did start to notice, but since he doesn’t just walk over and take toys from other kids they weren’t achieving their goal of drawing him away from the first train. Finally I stepped in and told Rondel, “Those boys are wondering if you want to play with the steam train so they can play with the electric train – do you want to switch trains?” And as soon as I asked him in a reasonable and respectful way he agreed to switch and the boys were quite happy.

Neither of these scenarios would have bothered me at all a few years ago; I probably wouldn’t even have noticed. But now they both really bother me. In the first, I just wish those parents would shut up and let their daughter make friends with my son without their constant interference! In both, I felt like I really began to understand what “sharing” is for a child that young: giving up the toy you were playing with (or worse, having it taken away from you) so that someone else can play with it instead. Even at Rondel’s age sharing is a difficult concept: taking turns (he can have that when I am done with it; I can have this when he is done with it) or exchanging (he can have this toy if he gives me that toy) are much easier to understand and implement. So please, parents, don’t ask your young toddler to “share” with my sons – I don’t want them to learn that it is ok to go up to someone and take their toys because they should be sharing them! When Rondel and Limerick are the age of those other boys at the museum, I want them to be able to ask another child for a turn with respect, not expect the other child to immediately give them what they want.

Sigh. I don’t think any of the parents or kids that I encountered were bad (they all seemed pretty nice and well-intentioned, actually) – they just didn’t see my toddlers (or their own toddler) as little people capable of understanding and independence and deserving of basic social respect. I never felt so different in my life before I started trying to let my children unfold naturally instead of pushing and prodding and protecting and reminding them all the time…

family life

baby snuggles

Posted on 2015-11-21 by kristinabean

Sometimes it’s the little moments that bring me the biggest smiles – like when Rondel asks if Limerick can sit on Grandma’s armchair with him, and Limerick runs over to climb up.

At first they both looked pretty happy snuggled up together.

Rondel’s snuggling is greeted with quite the glare…

Limerick soon realized that he’d gotten into more than he bargained for, though!

And I think Limerick has just given up at this point

But how can you really complain when greeted with such effusive and exuberant affection?

family life, phfr

{pretty, happy, funny, real} – enjoying the cooler weather!

Posted on 2015-11-192015-11-19 by kristinabean

November and December are very joyful, celebratory months in our house, because in addition to the normal holidays we have three of our four birthdays (rather nicely spaced over the season, I might add). The festivities begin with my birthday, then Limerick’s two weeks later, continue through Thanksgiving a week after that, pick up my husband’s birthday about two weeks after Thanksgiving, and end with Christmas and New Year’s about two to three weeks later. Adding to this festive spirit that strikes me at the beginning of November is the fact that the weather here finally becomes cool and crisp right around the same time. It finally feels like the world is ready for cookies and hot chocolate and pot pies and stews and fresh bread and festive music (I try to wait on the Christmas music but I feel so ready for it!). There’s just something so much nicer about baking with all the windows open and a cool breeze wafting through the house than with the windows shut up and the AC on trying to combat the triple-digit temperatures outside…

{pretty}

In the few weeks between “hot” and “freezing” (“freezing” having a very generous definition for us wimpy Phoenicians), we spent almost all our time outdoors and fell in love with our little park. (see the pants and long sleeves? I think it was in the high 70s when we were there… we really are wimps about the cold).

For a smallish city park, this one has a lot of open grassy areas as well as a great playground, and it’s all fenced in so the boys can run and explore freely (without making me worry that they’ll run off or wander into a road)

{happy}

I’m always trying got encourage the boys to get out of the built environment (as much as possible given that we live in a very urban context) and lately I’ve been working on getting them to walk on the grass instead of on the sidewalk. It’s not as smooth and stable so they don’t prefer it, but Rondel was more than happy to run into the grass in order to give that big tree a hug.

It reminds me of the library I grew up going to as a little girl (in semi-rural Pennsylvania) – my mom and I would always stop to hug the big oak tree in the front. It makes me happy to pass that on to my son now.

{funny}

Limerick gets super focused sometimes and he always looks so fat and grumpy when he does 🙂 It’s neat seeing him so engaged in what he’s doing though.

{real}

Rondel used to be quite nervous around slides, but as he’s gotten older he’s gotten a lot more comfortable with them. Limerick suffers from no such anxieties… now my only difficulty is trying to keep Limerick from going up the same slide that Rondel’s trying to go down!

The double slide lets them be in the same space without running into each other all the time!

I hope your November is beautiful and joyful as well. Head on over to Like Mother, Like Daughter for the link-up today!

family life

happy halloween!

Posted on 2015-11-11 by kristinabean

Halloween came in the midst of my hard drive problems but fortunately my mom took some pictures on her phone! The boys are at an age where they each like to imitate the other, so I thought it would make the most sense for them to dress up as the same thing. So here are my little firefighters:

This was Rondel’s third Halloween but the first we’ve celebrated as a family. He was only a few months old for his first, and I was overwhelmed with becoming a mom, so we passed; for his second, he still didn’t really grasp the concept and I wasn’t invested enough in it to make him a cool costume just for my own enjoyment. This time, he decided what he wanted to dress up as and was pretty adamant about us taking the time to find and assemble the costume.

As you can probably tell, he was pretty excited about it! This is after we got home from walking around our neighborhood. I was worried that he would be confused or overwhelmed by the whole concept of trick-or-treating, but he thought it was the most awesome thing ever. He would march right up to people, say “trick-or-treat!” and reach right into their bowl of candy! Sometimes he had trouble remembering to take only one piece…

Our actual “neighborhood” is a townhome complex and no one had lights on or expected kids to come around, so we walked across the street to an actual neighborhood with homes and families, and there were tons of fellow trick-or-treaters, decorated houses, and people just sitting on their driveways hanging out. It’s a nice Arizona tradition that makes Halloween into a mini block party, with everyone visiting outside. There was an old woman who kept giving my kids more candy because they were so cute, a young single guy hanging out on his pickup truck with a jack-o-lantern lit up by a phone, a couple of Royals fans who kept us updated on the game, and more. There were whites, blacks, and Hispanics; old people and young people; single people and families; and everyone was expansive and friendly in this sort of community holiday spirit.

And that’s why I celebrate Halloween – for that community, that connection with my neighbors, that smile on my toddler’s face and the mirrored glow on the face of the grandmother giving out candy wishing her own babies lived closer. It is a good thing to enter in to the culture around us, to sanctify it by our presence, instead of always backing out and creating a sub-culture. There are times when it is the best choice for our families to step out of the mainstream culture, to a greater or lesser degree, but for us Halloween is a perfectly safe and fun way to be a part of our neighborhood, so why not enjoy it?

family life, musings

different interests

Posted on 2015-10-272015-10-26 by kristinabean

The things our children find fascinating our not always the same things we find interesting, and to control their play and exploration is to imply that our interests and likes are better than theirs.

Limerick is captivated by many things I would pass right by on a regular basis: the sunlight hitting the wall through a high window, the pattern of stucco on the exterior walls, the trajectory of a mason jar rolling on the ground. I want him to be able to see the world through his own unique eyes as long as possible, to develop a sense of the value of his own perspective, and not to think that he has to align his interests to the interests of others.

Rondel is similarly interested in things that don’t hold much fascination for me – mostly, right now, every single wheeled vehicle on the road. As much as I’m tempted to try to redirect his interest to something more exciting for me, I’m choosing to learn about cars with him, joining him in his interest so that he can talk about them and learn more about them and deepen his attention and focus through them. I don’t want him to think that his interests are unimportant to the person who matters most to him in the whole world.

But sometimes, I really don’t know why they’re interested in something, or even what exactly has captured their attention. What do you think is so fascinating about this pole? 🙂

family life

brothers

Posted on 2015-10-252015-10-24 by kristinabean

One of the things I love about parenting is watching the relationship between my two boys grow and deepen. I love seeing Limerick’s eyes light up when he hears Rondel coming, and hearing Rondel ask if Limerick’s done eating yet so he can play with him. I love the way Limerick does his best to copy everything Rondel does, and participate in every silly game Rondel comes up with. I love how Rondel snuggles up to Limerick and lets him climb all over him.

Tonight they were looking out the window together:

Limerick isn’t as fascinated by the cars outside as Rondel is, but he’s extremely interested in anything Rondel happens to be doing – and Rondel, despite his sometimes intense dislike of being touched, is growing a lot more tolerant of Limerick’s close and enthusiastic physical presence.

Instead of getting upset because Limerick was in his space, he just moved over and made room for his brother to look out the window too.

Then all of a sudden they both turned around and realized I was there watching them!

Someday they’re going to go on all kinds of adventures together, those two – and I can’t wait to see what they’ll do 🙂

family life, musings

infant play – stackable cups at the park

Posted on 2015-10-212015-10-24 by kristinabean

It is quite a privilege to watch a very young child playing independently. I brought stackable cups and a random bowl to the park with us and simply set them on the ground to see if the boys would notice or be interested.

The complete focus, the utter absorption into the task the child has created, is a beautiful thing. Limerick had no direction about what to do with those cups: he was able to investigate their properties himself and decide what he wanted to accomplish.

Sometimes it’s tempting to step in and offer a hand, whether to direct their play (so it makes more sense from our adult perspective) or to provide a layer of support and security (so we can ease our own adult anxieties). But though his steps might be shaky, Limerick doesn’t need me right next to him. Letting him walk by himself, as he so very much desires, will strengthen his independence and self-confidence; constantly shadowing him with offers of help will begin to convince him that he is incapable on his own.

In deciding to go get the blue cup and bring it over with the other cups, and in carrying out that task by himself, he learned about planning and execution. He practiced balancing in a myriad of different positions, and began to grasp concepts of distance and the size and reach of his own body. It may look painfully slow to the observer, but his brain was working furiously the whole time to assimilate and respond to all the incoming information.

His estimation was about an inch or so off – I could have reached over and pushed the cup that much closer to him, but instead he was able to discover that if he stretched out just a bit father than he would normally be comfortable with, he could get the cup to roll towards him and would then be able to pick it up.

Finally – success! Cup in hand, he turned and walked back over to his previous play station, where the other cups and bowls were waiting for him. He had set a goal for himself, worked hard to accomplish it, and carried out his plan, without any adult input, interaction, or assistance. The feeling of a job well done, of new skills mastered, is an incredibly positive one, so why would I want to take that away from him by offering unneeded help? Our babies will surprise us with their abilities and intelligence if we give them the opportunity.

It is not, in the long run, helpful for a child for us to be constantly in their space, giving them adult input, direction, and aid; it shuts down their creativity and hampers their development toward independence. It is our silent and somewhat removed presence – there if they do need us, but unobtrusive when they do not – that can be truly empowering for the young child at play.