Posted in family life, musings

rainy day in the desert

Sometimes, when everything is dry and parched and hot, rain comes bringing renewal and new life.

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Maybe if I’d grown up somewhere wetter, rain wouldn’t always feel like a gift from heaven or an answered prayer – but to this desert girl, where water is always needed, rain is analogous to grace. It comes from God, not by any effort of our own, and we delight in it.

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It got a bit cold for us out in the rain, because it was also fairly windy, but the boys were entranced by the water anyways.

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I just hope that they will be just as entranced by grace itself as God pours it into their lives.

Posted in family life, phfr

{pretty, happy, funny, real} – working in the garden

For the first time in my desert gardening adventure, I’m going to be attempting a crop over the summer. Our scorching days not being particularly friendly to most plants, I’ve avoided the summer so far – but this year, we’re going to be planting sweet potatoes! I’ll have to take another picture of the slips I started soon, because they’re really starting to take off, especially the purple potatoes, which have the most beautiful red-veined leaves.

Anyway, to grow sweet potatoes we needed to seriously amend our soil, because the native soil where we live is the kind of clay you can build with – dense, compacted, hard, and thick: pretty much the opposite of what root vegetables need! So we spent Saturday mixing in two huge sacks full of compost from a local farm into our raised bed, and the boys, particularly Rondel, had a wonderful time exploring the dirt and helping with the work.

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He was so focused and engaged with the task at hand! He first helped me water the mint and oregano, which we had to transplant to the trench garden from the raised bed to make room for the sweet potatoes, and the continued to water the dirt in the raised bed as we mixed in the compost. We had the kiddie pool filled up in case anyone needed to cool off, since Saturday was pretty warm, and it provided Rondel with a way to fill up the watering can on his own.

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In addition to wanting to help with the tasks of preparing the garden, Rondel couldn’t resist sticking his hands in the dirt and discovering what it felt like at various stages of wetness, from completely dry all the way to soggy mud.

The garden has always been his happy place, where he pushes his sensory boundaries and lets his imagination run wild, and I absolutely love seeing him get dirty and sweaty and so incredibly captivated by natural things. This is our little piece of nature in the midst of the city, and something about it speaks to his heart.

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Limerick also wanted to use the watering can, once Rondel put it down, and after a while he kind of got the hang of it – but at first he just turned it upside down like a bucket:

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Aside from the watering can diversion, however, Limerick was not thrilled about our family time in the garden. He was tired and hungry and generally grumpy, and constantly demanded bubbles.

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have you tried taking pictures of bubbles as you’re blowing them? it’s more luck than anything that one of these bubbles managed to be in focus…

And it’s so hard to say no to him because I always wonder if I’m just saying no because of my own selfishness and laziness instead of for a legitimate reason, and because he sometimes gets very fixated on things and has a lot of trouble moving on to something else when I say no. It’s hard not to pull out the bubbles when your baby is crying for them and it’s not a difficult activity to share with him – but on the other hand, I don’t want him to think that he can get whatever he wants by crying for it. Right now I’m trying to be firm with boundaries that I care more about and just caving on the bubbles… I do love bubbles myself anyways…

Head on over to the linkup at Like Mother, Like Daughter today to share some more everyday joy and contentment!

Posted in family life

a letter to my sensitive boy

To my sensitive boy:

I love you.

Every time you take a deep breath and ask your brother to “please not take my toy right now” instead of melting down and pushing him away, I know how hard you are working to treat him with kindness and love in the midst of your own emotional storm.

Every night when you want Daddy to snuggle with you as you drift to sleep, I understand the closeness and security you crave, and I want you to know that you are so strong, so mature, on the nights when you have to fall asleep alone because Daddy has to study and work. We might be frustrated in the moment, when we’re exhausted and have work to do and sleep is slow in coming to your tired body, but we treasure your open relational heart and value the love that you have for us.

When your brother is sad and you bring him his bottle, or move the stool to where he needs it, or give him a toy to play with, I see your sensitive heart feeling for him and I love your attempts to care for him as best as you know how.

When you adjust your play to incorporate your brother, and gladly accept suggestions I make for including him when you’re having trouble thinking of one yourself, I am so proud of your flexibility and friendship with him. I know how difficult it can be to change things when you had happily envisioned them going a certain way, and your willingness to change for your brother’s sake is such a beautiful thing.

When you search for ways to help me and your daddy as we’re working around the house and outside, I delight in the joy you find in helping the people you love and being a part of our family life, instead of being centered on your own activities and plans.

I love watching you grow and mature while all the while maintaining your sweet and sensitive approach to life, seeing you learn to cope with the disappointments and challenges life brings without losing the unique way you perceive and respond to events and people. When you fall and get back up and keep going, it means more than it does for the average person because of all the falls its taken for you to push through your initial instinctual reaction and be the tough and happy boy you want to be. When you try something new or walk across a high bridge at a playground, your hesitant steps mean more than the gleeful running of the boy next to you, because with every move you are actively fighting your fears and gaining hard-won confidence in yourself.

My snuggle boy, my sweetheart, my big big boy who is so grown up sometimes, and sometimes still wants his mommy to pick him up and hold him “like a little baby”, I love you just the way you are, and I always will.

 

Posted in family life, phfr

{pretty, happy, funny, real} – roller coaster parenting

Parenting is quite the sequence of ups and downs. One night the boys help me clean up all their toys, snuggle up for stories after their bath, and fall asleep peacefully and quickly; the next night the space between dinner and bed is punctuated by a meltdown every five minutes, bedtime itself turns into a two-hour battle, and the house still looks like a tornado hit it by the time I manage to fall asleep.

Last night being one of the good nights (in fact, one of the best, as I re-convinced my 2.5 year old that books are amazing by selecting some slightly more advanced classics and reading them with character voices), it’s tempting to feel like I’ve got this parenting thing down! Of course, however, that would be a delusion remarkably blind to even just the past week of family life…

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But let’s start with the positives from the past week, because they did exist even on the hardest days.

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On Friday I remembered to pick up some sweet potatoes during our grocery run and started rooting some slips for our summer garden! The two on the left are normal orange sweet potatoes (Red Garnets or whatever standard variety the grocery store carries) and the two on the right are purple sweet potatoes. They’re a bit starchier and less sweet than the orange, and Rondel loves them – but as they tend to be expensive we hardly ever buy them. Hopefully this foray into potato gardening is a success! I have a feeling we will have our whole tiny yard covered in vines and leaves and nothing to show for it under the soil…

But for now, we are excitedly watching the potatoes begin to shoot thin white roots out into the water in their jars! The purple potatoes are proving more prolific in the rooting department, but there’s already activity (less than a week after setting these up) in all four jars. The site I found made it sound like there would be both roots and leaves within a few weeks, and at that time I plan to plant the slips as even the cold nights will be a faint memory by that point.

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Despite Rondel having a rather exhausting cold (his sensitivities increase exponentially when he’s sick, and he can’t stand the feel of his nose running even the slightest bit, so our days were a continual refrain of high-pitched moans of “wipe nose!”), I took the boys out to the park Saturday morning just to get them out of the house. Limerick had serious cabin fever, and even Rondel was feeling just better enough that some time running around significantly helped his mood. Sometimes I think some sort of physical activity must be a basic human need for the proper functioning of the mind and emotions… it’s true for most of the people I know, at any rate, and even more true for those of us prone to depression and anxiety.

Anyway, Rondel spent most of the time literally running up and down the sidewalks pushing his dump truck, while Limerick tested his balancing abilities by walking on all the curbs. Then Rondel discovered that his truck would roll all the way down the hill if he gave it a bit of a push at the top, and the two of them ran gleefully after it all the way down, until it crashed into a bush at the bottom. This was then repeated many times, to the great happiness of all involved 🙂

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Did you notice the sweatshirts on the boys in the pictures above? Just a few hours later, they were attired much differently:

Arizona spring weather is just as inconsistent and changing as those feelings of parenting success or failure… one minute we’re all bundled up and the next we’re playing in the water wearing shoes because the concrete is too hot to stand on!

Also funny (to me anyway): Limerick is currently quite obsessed with pouring water on himself, and with oranges. I have no clue why oranges are so incredibly fascinating…

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This is Limerick, thoroughly enjoying himself with his cousins at the zoo:

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And where was Rondel?

Curled up in the stroller, disconsolate, asking if we could please go home so he could take a nap – because it was the first morning he was sick and I didn’t realize it before we had packed up to go out with the cousins as planned. So in addition to putting him through a miserable morning (it was cold, overcast, and windy – great for running around, not so great for sitting in a stroller feeling sick), I spread the cold to my niece and nephew. I suppose it’s always good to have bad parenting days to keep us from getting arrogant about the good ones… so much depends on getting a few spur-of-the-moment decisions right. But that doesn’t make it feel any better when it happens!

Head on over to the link-up today at Like Mother Like Daughter to be encouraged and share everyday contentment with everyone else!

Posted in family life

brothers becoming friends

As the oldest sibling in my family, I liked playing with my brother and sister but sometimes (especially when they were very young) wished they were a bit more mature and independent! I see that with Rondel on occasion as he plays with Limerick – Limerick is always very interested in whatever Rondel is doing, and wants to be a part of it with him, but since he’s still pretty little he has a tendency to knock things over, which frustrates Rondel to no end as he’s typically just managed to balance or build or line things up to his liking when Limerick wanders over. It’s hard to watch sometimes, because I want them to learn to play together well and work through their conflicts, and it’s sad to see Limerick pushed away by his big brother when he just wants to play with him, but at the same time I find myself sympathizing with Rondel when he wants to be able to do something without another small person in his space.

When the boys are running around, though, engaging in full-body activities and practicing large motor skills, they’re a lot less likely to have conflict and a lot more likely to really enjoy being together. I think it might be because Limerick is on a more even level with Rondel in this sphere, or because Rondel is moving around and so doesn’t have a “space” or “activity” that Limerick can mess up. So at night we’ll run through the house playing chasing games, and they’ll practically run into each other and not care that they’re touching each other. And playing outside tends to be the best of all:

We took advantage of a warm afternoon to set up the hose out front and the boys spent the whole time – over an hour – playing in close company, watching each other, copying each other, laughing at each other, and generally building up the positive balance in their relationship. It probably helped that (after taking these pictures) I got in on the fun with them… 🙂 I really couldn’t resist!

My hope for them is that they will grow to be each other’s best friends, closest supports, and greatest encouragers – that they will lead each other into crazy situations, help each other grow, and be there for each other when they need a helping hand or a listening ear. And I think that these early years are foundational for creating the closeness and connection that often prove so elusive later in life.

Posted in family life, links, musings

spending time outdoors, and trying to avoid the built environment in an urban setting

I read a rather depressing article in The Guardian this week about the amount of time kids spend outside – apparently, about 3/4 of kids in the UK spend less than an hour outside on an average day, which is less than the amount of outdoors time the UN recommends for prisoners. I don’t imagine it’s that much better in the US, particularly in urban environments.

There’s been a combination of factors leading up to this, I think. We have the increased attraction of indoor activities, to start – a proliferation of games, toys, and technologies that didn’t exist a few generations ago. We have an increased sense of parental fear and anxiety, which I think stems from the globalization of our news and the breakdown of neighborhood communities. And in general we have a cultural tendency toward comfort and convenience, and being outdoors in all weathers isn’t the most comfortable or convenient thing, especially when parental supervision is required!

But it is undeniable that outdoors, active play and exploration is one of the best possible things a young child can be doing.

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So, in sort of the same spirit as my efforts to make sure my kids eat a variety of healthy foods, I’ve decided to be very intentional about getting them out of the house every day for an hour or two at a time (Limerick doesn’t usually last longer than that without needing some sort of rest or snack). I wish I had more wild and natural places for them to play easily, but at least I can get them outdoors with their hands in the dirt and rocks and grass!

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And in the mud! Irrigation at the botanical garden makes for a great play place for a toddler.

Our city does offer a variety of parks, and we live in a walkable area, so that helps a lot. Just this weekend, actually, we discovered a new park that has a small desert botanical garden, some walking trails, and some Native American ruins in addition to the playground area! I’m anticipating a lot more exploration there…

Rondel and I stood under this palo verde, by the flower-crowned organ pipe cacti, and held very still so we could listen to the buzzing drone of all the bees over our heads. The branches were probably a good two feet above my head and we could still hear the hum loud and clear.

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Limerick learned the hard way that even the flower buds on cacti have prickles!

In a similar vein, I learned today about the concept of an urban farm preschool, where very young children who don’t live in a rural environment can still have daily exposure to the natural environment – to experience firsthand the ever-changing beauty and wildness of nature, to see how plants grow and bear fruit and die, to taste and touch and feel living things every day, to grow comfortable around dirt and animals and the unsanitized processes of the natural world. There’s another idea added to my catalog of small businesses I’d be interested in starting some day!

What are some of your favorite ways to encourage your children to play outdoors, especially those of you who live in more urban settings? How do you think our society as a whole might do a better job of enabling outdoor time for both children and adults?

 

Posted in family life, recipes

hot cross buns: the Good Friday story and a recipe

One of my challenges this Easter was explaining the story of Jesus’s death to my toddlers. Death isn’t really a concept that they understand, and violent, painful death isn’t exactly something I want to describe to them in detail. I’d like them to retain their innocence until life demands otherwise!

We read some of the stories from the Jesus Storybook Bible, but they were honestly still a few years beyond Rondel, and I could tell that though he was listening, the words weren’t making much sense to him. So I ended up making it pretty short and simple, just saying that Jesus was hurt and died on a cross so that He could rescue us and make us able to know and love God.

And my best teaching tool ended up being these:

Throughout the day-long process of mixing, rising, shaping, baking, and glazing the hot cross buns, Rondel would keep asking me, in his toddler vernacular, what we would be drawing on top of the buns (answer: a cross) and what Jesus did for us on the cross (answer: see above). It gave him an interest in the story and something tangible to latch on to in the midst of a lot of things he didn’t quite understand.

So maybe that is part of the reason why these buns, which have always felt distinctly non-fasting to me, are a traditional Good Friday food – they help to teach the story to the youngest of us, and remind the rest of us of the truths we either lose sight of or over-complicate.

Bread making is something I do as much by feel as by measurements, but here’s the basic recipe I use for these buns, adapted from America’s Bread Book by Mary Gubser, if you want to make them next year. They are consistently one of my favorite sweet yeast breads.

First, you’ll need to make a sponge. This lets your yeast get active and happy, and if you’re using some whole wheat flour (as I normally do – I was totally out this year though), it gives the flour additional time to absorb the liquid and soften into the dough, allowing the gluten to develop while blunting some of the wheat’s sharp edges that can damage the gluten strands. It also means that your dough will rise a bit faster later on, since the yeast will already have had a chance to feed and multiply.

For a single batch, about 32-36 comfortably large buns, I start with 2 cups warm milk, 1/4 cup melted butter, 2 tablespoons of yeast, 1/2 cup brown sugar, and 2 cups whole wheat flour. (My general rule of thumb for a sponge is equal volumes of liquid and flour. If you’re doubling the recipe, you shouldn’t need to double the yeast as well, although I would still increase it to 3 tablespoons.) This gets all stirred up and then gets to sit, loosely covered, in a warmish, non-drafty place for about 30-60 minutes. Really, 30 minutes is as much as you need, but it can go quite a bit longer if you get distracted with your kids while it’s sponging 🙂

To the lovely, bubbly, slightly risen sponge (releasing that most wonderful yeasty scent into the air), you’ll need to add an egg and 1 1/2 teaspoons of salt. Both of these things can inhibit the development of the yeast, so I like to let the yeast get a good headstart with the sponge before adding them!

At this point you have a good basic sweet bread starter that you could take in a variety of directions. For hot cross buns, I add a heaping teaspoon of cinnamon and about 3/4 teaspoons each of cloves and nutmeg. My additions to the buns vary slightly from year to year depending on what I have on hand, but basically you’ll need something citrusy and some sort of dried fruit. You could use 1/2-3/4 cup diced candied lemon or orange rind or the zest and juice of two oranges for the citrus, and 3/4-1 cup currants, raisins, or golden raisins (or a mix) for the dried fruit, and I’m pretty sure any combination of the above would be excellent. I do like the added texture of the larger golden raisins vs. the currants, and of the candied rind vs. the zest and juice, but if you want a smoother roll without those extra juicy bites, both zest and currants will melt into the batter and give you flavor without changing the texture. This year I used half currants and half golden raisins, and the zest and juice option for my citrus – it was what I had, and it was good.

Once the spices and fruits are added in, you’ll want to add white (unbleached, of course) flour to the dough, slowly, until the dough is workable but still soft and definitely not dry. You don’t want it as wet as a baguette dough, for example, because you’ll need to shape it into little rolls and it’ll have to hold that shape, but you don’t want it so dry that the end result is also dry and dense. This is the part of bread making that is hard to precisely describe without showing you in person! And to give you an idea of how variable it can be, the recipe I’ve adapted calls for about 2 cups more flour than I’m ever able to add to my dough – I live in a really dry climate, and it affects my yeast bread significantly, since most recipes have been tested and created in more humid places.

Anyway, when you’ve gotten the dough to your liking, you’ll want to knead it until it starts to look smooth and elastic, and stretches when you pull on it instead of breaking away in chunks. I have a mixer with a dough hook that I let do the kneading for me, typically, because it gives me more consistent results in less time, but there is something very satisfying and cathartic about doing it by hand from time to time, so don’t let the absence of a mixer stop you! This kneaded dough will then need to rise in a large bowl, coated with either melted butter or oil to keep the dough from sticking. Just like for the sponge, this bowl will need to be covered loosely and allowed to rest somewhere cozy until it has about doubled in size, which will probably be about an hour but will depend a lot on the health and happiness of your yeast.

Finally, at this point, you get to shape your little buns! I like a roll about the size of a typical dinner roll or average muffin, a piece of dough that comfortably fits in the palm of my hand and is easy to shape; this gets me about 32-36 rolls. Mary Gubser recommends making them with pieces of dough about the size of a walnut, resulting in 84 or so tiny little two-bite rolls, but I honestly quiver at the though of drawing crosses over that many tiny buns. Also, I never really want fewer than one hot cross bun anyway, so I’d end up eating 3 or 4 little ones at once…

These newly shaped rolls should sit on parchment paper or a buttered baking sheet, under a light towel, for about 45 minutes to let them rise one more time before baking, during which time you can preheat the oven to 375 F. The rolls will only take about 12-15 minutes to bake, even at the larger size, and should be golden on both top and bottom, light to the touch but not too squishy.

To cross them, after they’ve cooled, make a basic glaze with lemon juice and powdered sugar to get to a spreadable consistency, pipe with a pastry bag/ziploc bag with the corner cut off, and let sit to harden. I usually only cross part of the batch because they’re easier to store unglazed, and I can glaze the rest of the buns the next day if I need to or just eat them unadorned, which is still very tasty if not quite as edifying and delicious.

Enjoy!

Posted in family life, phfr

{pretty, happy, funny, real} – spring in bloom

This is really one of the loveliest times of year here in Arizona. It seems like everything that can bloom is blooming, and flowers of all different shapes and hues and scents are everywhere.

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so many yellow daisies!
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daisies against a field of purple lantana
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bold and brilliant pomegranate reaching out to the orange tree

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smiling at grandma being silly

This little guy is one of the happiest people I know. If he isn’t exhausted or hungry, he’s typically smiling, laughing, and generally being silly. His good spirits bring such joy to our house, especially since Rondel and I are less even-keeled… And it’s hard not to smile back at Limerick when he gets that twinkle in his eyes and that little dimple on his cheek, even when it’s been a rough day!

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Rondel was sick over the weekend (hence the rather disheveled look – this was one of his brief interludes away from his sick nest on the couch), which I suppose is {real} and not {funny}, but I found this new activity he’s devised really quite amusing. We have three wooden puzzles that spell out our names – one for me that I’ve had since childhood, and one for each of the boys. So Rondel took the letters out of the puzzle and lined them up on the lid of the piano, and was very pleased with himself for the accomplishment! By the end of the day he’d managed to balance them all up along the piano and was then fiercely guarding it against his fascinated little brother…

There’s no linkup today, which I maybe should have foreseen since it’s Holy Thursday, but since I wrote the post preemptively, I’m still sharing it here 🙂 Like Mother Like Daughter has a different (but very fascinating) type of post up today, about the Triduum and the curious fact that tomorrow is the celebration of both the Annunciation and Good Friday, including thoughts on this rare event from the 17th century poet John Donne – so go read it, especially if you need a seed idea to help you pray and meditate on Christ over these next few days.

Posted in family life

gentle sleep and bedtime battles

A few weeks ago I wrote about the beginnings of our night-weaning journey with Limerick and I can now say confidently that it is going really, really, well. Our new routine has endured through a 5 day, 104 degree fever as well as through the cutting of two molars, and last night Limerick didn’t even ask to nurse before falling asleep. He knew he was tired, and had asked to go to bed when we were playing as a family downstairs, but I was still surprised when I gave him the option of nursing or turning the light off and getting his water bottle that he replied, “light off, bottle!”

So that’s what I did – I gave him his bottle, turned the light off, turned the music on, and lay down next to him on the bed, and he fell asleep. Wow. I’m still amazed at his ability to go to sleep so easily! And he slept until 1:15, for a stretch of 5.5 hours straight! This is probably not a big deal to anyone who night weaned or sleep trained at an earlier age, but for my nighttime snugglers and nursers, this is huge. Honestly, I think he would have slept longer if he hadn’t needed a new diaper, because he went right back to sleep after I changed him.

Now my bedtime issues have swiveled back to Rondel, who has decided that nighttime is not a good time, and that being in bed is akin to being locked up in prison. I’m rather at a loss for how to structure his days and evenings so that bedtime isn’t a battle, since he’ll keep protesting even when he’s so exhausted he can hardly keep his eyes open. Any ideas from the more experienced moms out there?

Posted in family life

{pretty, happy, funny, real} – feeding the ducks!

The boys and I went to a new park this week, just a few miles south of our house. To our delight, behind the playground was a lake, complete with ducks!

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Limerick absolutely loves birds and was completely captivated by the ducks. It took him a few tries to throw his pieces of bread into the water instead of just dropping them at his feet, but once he got it he didn’t want to stop.

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We fed the ducks at the end of our time at the park, after a couple hours of running and digging in the sun, and I was a bit worried that the boys would be too worn out to really enjoy it – but they were so excited about seeing all the birds that they got a second wind 🙂 I was amazed at how fast our small supply of bread heels disappeared into those ducks’ tummies.

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Tuesday was free ice cream cone day at Dairy Queen, and there happens to be a Dairy Queen within a block of our house, so I took the boys for their first ever ice cream cone experience. This little man was a bit overwhelmed by the cone in its pristine form, but he got all silly and happy once we reduced it down to more manageable proportions. Limerick was exactly the opposite: he plunged right into the tower of ice cream on the cone, uncaring of the creamy sticky mess all over his face, and ate quite a bit before deciding he was done, about halfway through the ice cream. The upshot of the adventure was that we had 3 good-sized cones and I ended up eating about 2 of them, between my own and helping the boys with theirs!

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This little guy, while decidedly cute and happy, has also decided that it is ridiculously fun to run away from me and generally play keep-away when I call him. It is hard not to let it turn into a game every time, the way he laughs so mischievously as he scampers away! I’m having to enforce the rules a bit more strictly than I wish I had to – it’s like, if you would stay away from the road you could play anywhere in this whole huge area, but because you keep running towards the road with trouble on your face, thinking it’s a game, you’re going to have to sit with me or in the stroller. I feel like his need to test the boundaries keeps him from having as much fun as he otherwise could, which makes me sad for him.

My primary solution is to let him play, as much as possible, in areas where the boundaries are few and far between, so he doesn’t feel as much need to test: a playground where the road isn’t in sight, or where the road is on the other side of a fence; a child-safe backyard; the inside of our house or my parents’ house. In those settings, he can explore and play independently without the constant need for supervision or the shadow of a potential “no” interrupting his agenda.

Any other tips for what to do in places where I can’t control all those variables, and where the boundaries are simultaneously much tighter and much less clearly defined (for a 1.5yr old, anyway)?

Head on over to Like Mother, Like Daughter for the link-up today!