Posted in family life, phfr

{pretty, happy, funny, real} – at the fire station

Rondel has a deep and abiding love of firetrucks. As an infant, one of the first imitative sounds he ever made was a firetruck siren (seriously – he was 5 or 6 months old, sitting there with his toys, making siren noises!), and now, if he hears a siren coming, he runs to the big window upstairs, asks to go outside, or (if we are outside) almost frantically tries to get to the nearest road in case it is going to pass by. We live less than a mile from the biggest station in our city, so we hear and see the trucks fairly often, but I wondered if there was a way to see them up close and personal.

To my delight, I discovered that our city offers free tours of the fire station as long as you have a group of 6-20 people! Completely against my personality and preference as a shy, logistically-challenged individual, I recruited some other families I knew, called the fire department, and set up a date.

The ladder truck (the biggest fire engine) had to leave for a call just about the time we arrived for the tour, so the firefighters showed us some of the other vehicles – the support trucks, the IT van, and the community care ambulance. That ambulance is one of the more fascinating and unique things about our fire station. Using funds from a federal grant to study ways to reduce health care expenses, they converted the ambulance into a sort of clinic on wheels, and take it to low-level 911 calls that would otherwise have resulted in an ambulance trip and an ER visit. (This type of call can include a headache, a baby’s fever, a cut that might require stitches, and so on; the firefighter who helps staff the community care vehicle told us that we would be surprised at the calls that come in.) In addition to providing immediate medical care with the onboard physician’s assistant, they can provide basic health education to equip people to deal with non-emergency situations on their own in the future. It’s a pretty awesome idea and I hope it makes a difference in our community!

{pretty}

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The boys weren’t quite as interested in the community care concept as I was… fortunately, the ladder truck returned and they were able to check it out! Rondel walked around the whole truck with the firefighter, listening to him explain about all the different tools stored in each compartment on the truck (the ladder truck carries some heavy-duty equipment for cutting through roofs or into cars). He wasn’t so sure about sitting on the front of it but he let me get a picture at least.

{happy}

The icing on the cake was when he realized they would let him sit in the driver’s seat and pretend to drive the truck. I don’t think he ever wanted to get out!

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{funny}

It’s a little hard to see, but his jaw is dropped open in awe or disbelief here. This was the moment he reached out and grabbed the steering wheel for the first time – I think he thought he was literally driving the firetruck.

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{real}

True to my aforementioned logistically-challenged self, I scheduled the tour at a time that overlapped with Limerick’s morning nap (in my excuse, I had to schedule it a few weeks in advance and he was transitioning from 3 naps to 2 at the time). He probably would have enjoyed it a lot more if he hadn’t been so tired; he spent most of the hour-long tour sitting in his stroller just watching everyone else. He did get to check out the second-row seating in the ladder truck though:

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He was loving it despite his exhaustion when – of course – they got another emergency call and we had to whisk the kids out of the truck. Oh well. I’m sure we will go again sometime! The firemen were incredibly welcoming and friendly, and very accommodating to the little kids (my friend with older kids canceled last minute, so we only had toddlers and babies). So thank you very much, Mesa Fire Department! You rock!

Don’t forget to head over to Like Mother, Like Daughter for the link-up today!

Posted in family life

baby-safe edible finger paint!

This is probably one of the simplest finger-paint recipes out there (and unfortunately I can’t remember where I first saw it, to give credit for the idea). It takes literally less than a minute to mix up, and is completely safe for the baby who tends to put everything in his mouth.

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From what I remember on the original site, it does also dry well on paper, but I just used it on the highchair since only Limerick was playing with it. (Rondel was camped out on the sofa resting off a fever, poor kid).

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All you have to do is add some food coloring to sweetened condensed milk and voila! Perfect paint. It has just the right consistency to spread easily without running, and the colors blend together marvelously for another dimension of play and experimentation.

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Rondel, with his sensory defensiveness, has never been a fan of messy play like this – he deeply dislikes the feel of anything slimy or sticky on his hands (he will play with drier things like dirt, sand, sidewalk chalk, and crayons, though) – so this is one of my first forays into the world of finger paint. Personally I love finger painting… I love feeling different textures on my fingers and seeing things meld and change as a result of my motions. While I can rationally understand Rondel’s sensitivity and dislike, it is nice to be able to enjoy this sort of thing with Limerick! And he definitely enjoyed it.

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The one downside of sweetened condensed milk paint is that it is incredibly sticky. Limerick had to get a shower after this to clean it all up, and I was finding sticky drips of paint on the floor where the high chair had been for hours afterwards, despite my efforts to clean everything thoroughly right away.

The highlight, of course, is that I got to eat some of the condensed milk right out of the can… and lick some off the highchair tray before washing it… and turn the leftovers into hot fudge sauce later… these are much better perks than the cornstarch paint alternatives could possibly afford, and I think they make the stickiness worthwhile 😉

Posted in family life, musings

loving sick littles

Little kids don’t really understand what it means to be sick. Suddenly, they feel uncomfortable and out-of-sorts, more easily overwhelmed, worn out, and generally at odds with everyone and everything. This stems from their bodies being at odds with them and acting in rather upsetting, abnormal, and unpredictable ways. I think for some children, like my oldest, for whom routine is very important, the unpredictability of their bodies during sickness is one of the worst parts of being sick!

In light of this curious cluelessness in sick kids (I’m not sure how long this phase lasts, but it definitely exists in toddlers!), where they’re feeling awful but they have no idea why or what to do about it, we as parents have to be more aware and then enforce some general rules for rest and recuperation. Leila’s post at Like Mother Like Daughter has a very comprehensive set of guidelines so I’m not going to reinvent the wheel here – go read her page 🙂 I’m just writing and thinking about this heightened awareness we need to have because our little kids just don’t have it yet, especially when they’re very young. With experience they’ll start figuring it out but until then we really have to pay attention. We have to know our children’s normal MO so that when something’s bothering them and they’re acting differently we can pick up on it. We have to be able to tell the difference between the slightly bored complaint of a toddler who needs to get out and run around, and the attention-seeking whine of a child who needs to reconnect with his mom and be reassured of her love, and the general malaise of a child who’s starting to feel unwell.

It just confirms, to me, the crucial role of a parent (and perhaps especially a mother) in the life of the very young child, and how impossible it is to replace that role with daycare or babysitters, no matter how good they are. No one can love my children like I can, and no one can be in tune with their needs like an involved and present parent can. I can still love my children well despite working outside the home, but those hours away from them do make it harder to read their moods and decipher their needs, and it makes it even more essential for me to be aware and fully present with them when I am at home. My active presence – my ability to understand what they’re feeling when they’re confused and unable to express what’s wrong and respond in a helpful manner – goes a long way towards making them feel unconditionally loved, understood, and accepted for who they are. Hopefully I can continue to get better at it as time goes by and I gain more experience in this crazy adventure called motherhood!

Posted in family life, phfr

{pretty, happy, funny, real} – RAIN!!!

{pretty}

This is a desert sage. It’s not actually related to culinary sage and the leaves aren’t edible, as far as I can find out. But it is a good landscaping plant so it’s all over the city and this particular one lives right outside our front door. Here it is, sparkling with the fresh rain, rejoicing with us in the cooler, wetter weather.

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{happy}

I love the rain, but no one loves the rain more than a young child set free to run around in it! I didn’t realize how much I had mellowed with age until I saw the exuberant glee of my babies running and splashing and exulting in the downpour.

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the walker gives him so much more independence!
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I don’t think he stopped moving the whole time it was raining 🙂

When I was younger I didn’t want to age and mellow, to lose the fierce intensity and passion of adolescence and young adulthood, or the wild happiness and anger of childhood. To me, adults seemed to have lost the ability to deeply feel life – to truly experience its terrifying highs and devastating lows. I think what I’m beginning to realize now is that it’s possible to mature in one’s reactions to the roller coaster of life and emotion without getting off the roller coaster or taming its hills and curves. That is, I can still feel everything just as deeply – enjoy things just as intensely, become angry just as quickly, and so on – without letting those feelings control how I treat others and respond to my environment. Also with age comes greater understanding of the passions that burn inside my heart, so that I’m not caught totally unawares by them, and can in turn direct them to areas of greater and more lasting value (so instead of letting the power of my emotions be wasted on a crush or a car cutting me off in traffic, I can use them to rejoice in the beauty of great music, or delight in the presence of my husband, or grow fiercely angry at the injustice surrounding immigration, abortion, or homelessness). It’s not dulling my conscience or my emotions – simply deepening my understanding of my emotions and bringing them into greater unity with my conscience and my reason. And it is a good thing, despite the fears of my youth!

{funny}

Rondel noticed the raindrops landing on the driveway, leaving the little wet splotches behind, and started pretending to pick up the fallen drops and eat them. It was really cute – and then his daddy joined him and it was even cuter 🙂

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{real}

And, no surprise, we have more dirt-eating. I can’t get this kid to stop putting dirt, rocks, and sand into his mouth. Where does the fascination lie? I can only imagine it tastes terrible (from my one childhood recollection of tasting sand intentionally, it wasn’t pleasant). He seems happy about it though…

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I hope you all have had a great week too! We have been so blessed out here with four (four!) consecutive rainy days. This never happens in October in Arizona! Join the linkup at LMLD and visit the other blogs – they are such a good source of encouragement and happiness in the simple everyday aspects of life.

Posted in family life, musings

unplanned pregnancies

I found out via Facebook that one of my young cousins is expecting a baby. She’s 21 now, so it’s not exactly a teen pregnancy, but she isn’t married to her baby’s father and neither of them have much in the way of education or career prospects, and they’re both still living at home. It doesn’t take much intelligence to deduce that this wasn’t a planned pregnancy.

But if my first reaction is to think, “how could she make such a stupid choice? why would she have s*x before getting married anyway? doesn’t she know that’s how babies happen? she should have made sure she was in a better financial position before moving ahead with a family” – then I really don’t believe, in my heart of hearts, the full truth of the pro-life position.

If, then, my second thought is along the lines of, “at least she’s keeping the baby instead of killing it – but this is going to make her life so much harder, and it won’t be good for the baby either, and honestly she deserves it for her foolish choices that brought this baby into existence in the first place” – then all my words about how babies are a blessing from God, how every baby should be valued and fought for and given the love of its parents, are empty and hypocritical.

Was it a poor choice to be intimate before marriage? Undoubtedly – there’s a reason God commands us not to do that. But that doesn’t mean everything that follows from that poor choice is a punishment, consequence, or negative outcome. God is in the business of forgiveness and redemption, after all, and maybe this gift of new life is part of His plan of giving grace and renewing all things.

Is it foolish, in the estimation of this world, to have a child before finances and jobs and future plans are all figured out? Yes, of course! Financial security is the idol of our culture, and a baby makes establishing that security more difficult than just about anything else. But God tells us that a baby is a blessing, not a curse: that the love that baby brings, and the joy of making a family, and the virtues that bloom as a family grows while following Him, are worth more than anything money could promise. Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, and all that. To set aside this opportunity for multiplied love in the name of money – to close our hearts and our bodies to a great blessing and pursue our own comfort and convenience instead – that is truly foolish.

Will having a baby right now make her life harder? Of course, of course it will. No matter when a baby comes, it makes life harder for its parents! Rather than glossing over her choice to keep the baby and focusing on her choices before the baby was conceived – rather than emphasizing her mistakes, in other words – our heart as pro-life Christians should be to praise her, to thank God for her courage and her strength, that despite the incredible hardship this baby may bring her as an unmarried, uneducated mother, she chose the right and the good at the cost of her comfort and convenience. She didn’t try to hide her mistakes, but let the world see, and know, and judge her, because she knew that the life of her baby was worth more than the pain of their judgments.

If we are truly pro-life, we will stand with my cousin and other women like her, without judging her for her mistakes, or shaming her for her “foolish, unplanned pregnancy”, or whispering behind her back about the stupidity and lack of character in these poor women who conceive children out of wedlock. Instead, we will congratulate her for the miracle of new life growing within her womb. We will praise her for the moral fiber and courage it took to choose life for that tiny and vulnerable baby over whom she held complete power and face the judgment of both the moralists and the materialists. And we will offer her whatever help she needs to continue to build a beautiful and blessed life for her baby and her family, for as long as she needs it.

Posted in family life

how to love my family – reminders for myself and a story

Been mulling over some thoughts this weekend that I’ll hopefully have the chance to write up soon – they’re a bit too heavy for a single blog post, so I’ll need to plan out exactly how I want to address them.

In the meantime, I’m thankful for unexpected October rains, and some cooler weather at last, and sons who love each other, and a husband who takes care of me when I’m feeling down. I’ve been selfish and impatient and my family has been so understanding and forgiving. This attitude that they have towards me – that I’m human and imperfect and trying my best to love them, so they’ll keep loving me no matter what – is the same one I want to have toward them. My tips for myself?

Always assume they had the best possible motivation.

Always assume they want to reconcile after an argument or hurt feelings.

Don’t take their feelings or words personally (especially when they’re tired or hungry!).

Renew trust, remain patient, and extend grace.

Remember that little expressions of love – a hug, a smile, an extra five minutes doing something together – can brighten the whole day.

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running to daddy in the rain

When Rondel was about 3 months old I remember a horrible night where I was exhausted and my husband was working and Rondel was so overtired that he wouldn’t go to sleep but was screaming and tossing and turning and just wanted to nurse and my body was so sore and worn out that I couldn’t take it anymore and I lost it: I yelled at him to shut up and go to sleep, or something along those lines, and set him on the bed and left the room for a few minutes to try to pull myself together. Sometime not too long after I was telling someone this story and the appalled look in their eyes devastated me. It was confirmation that I was a failure as a mother, that I had somehow ruined my relationship with my son or broken some sacred trust.

But today, my son comes running to me with an ear-to-ear smile and glowing eyes when he sees me come into the room. His little voice announces my presence with excitement when I come down from putting his brother to sleep for a nap upstairs. When something isn’t quite right in his world, his safe place is by my side or in my arms, snuggling up to me, drawing strength from my strength as the adult, the rock, the haven in his life.

Our mistakes, our failures, the things we regret, the broken moments – they are not the whole story, or the end of the story, when there is love. I didn’t continue to yell at my baby, those years ago; I chose to apologize, and speak with tenderness, and rebuild the trust in our relationship. So I know that when I lose my patience today, he will continue to love and trust me – and he knows that when I lose my patience today, it is not a way of life but a mistake and a shortcoming, and that he can expect gentleness and unconditional love tomorrow (or even in five minutes…).

And this is a confirmation of my hope that our intent to love well, and our efforts to love well, are not in vain: that my son has begun to extend grace and gentleness to me when I tell him I’m not feeling well, toning down his play and his demands to what I can handle; he has started to treat his brother with tenderness and love, adjusting his exuberant affection to the softer touch a baby needs; and he has learned to express his own needs with calm respect for both himself and the people he needs to help him, instead of with the desperate panic of an anxious and overwhelmed infant. It is encouragement to continue the hard path of unconditional love and gentle guidance, to pick myself up from a bad day and begin again with intentionality, self-discipline, and grace.

There is love, and there has been love, and there will be love, running along all the delicate strands of the intricate web of our family life, because they were built in love and can only be maintained by love. And Christ who is love is the master planner and the great sustainer of it all, of our family and of all families who seek to love and to follow Him, and He will not let us fall or fail.

Posted in family life, musings

happy feelings

What is the sweetest feeling in the world?

The feeling of toddler arms wrapped around your neck, a soft cheek snuggled up to yours, and a little warm body pressed up against you as your son hugs you with all the strength in his body.


What is the most thrilling feeling in the world?

The feeling of mixed apprehension and pride as your baby swings himself around to slide off a couch that is higher than he is tall, and lowers himself carefully down, and lands, and stands, and turns to face you with triumph on his face!


What is the happiest feeling in the world?

The feeling of receiving love in the affirming words of your husband, letting you know how much he values the effort you make to parent well, after a hard and emotionally challenging day.


It’s hard not to be grateful and at peace with moments like these in my life, even when circumstances are difficult or frustrating. God has blessed me so richly with the people He’s placed around me!

Posted in family life, musings, quotes

labels vs. true understanding

I found this meme on Pinterest (and couldn’t find the original source, unfortunately) while looking for another quote I half-remembered, and thought it was very true:

Diagnosis Meme

One of my close family members has several diagnoses attached to him, and while they have helped me understand things about him – how he thinks, how he reacts, how he processes information and stimuli – it would be incredibly reductionistic of me to think of him solely in terms of those diagnoses. Thinking of them as tools to help me understand and love him better, instead of as labels to describe him, define him, “excuse” him, or write him off, is the best way for me to respond to the fact that he has those diagnoses. And when I interact with him, in my mind, he is simply himself first and foremost – with all his quirks, his profound depths, his dry humor, his skills and interests, and all the other little things that accumulate together to make him who he is. The alphabet soup the doctors use to describe the way his brain works (or struggles to work) doesn’t usually cross my mind at all. I love him for who he is, and I will always love him for who he is. I’m thankful for the words and terms that have helped me understand him better – but unless I pair that understanding with true relationship, it will become mere labeling and categorization rather than the deep personal knowledge of love and presence that I want to characterize our relationship.

Posted in family life

brotherly love – a scene

Earlier today Rondel climbed up onto an armchair and asked if Limerick could sit with him on the chair. Since Limerick had just been trying to get up into a second armchair, I thought he would like it, asked him if he wanted to sit with Rondel, and then put him up in the chair with Rondel. I wasn’t exactly sure how well it would go – Rondel can swing between an almost aggressive physical affection for his brother and a panicky meltdown if they get within two feet of each other – but given my ongoing goal of increasing their love and companionship, I was willing to give it a try.

And to my utter delight, Rondel put his arm around Limerick with great tenderness and drew him near in a hug with the sweetest smile on his face – and Limerick burst into the biggest grin ever.

I wish I could have gotten a picture! It was so incredibly sweet, and such a fulfilling moment as their mom. This love, this joy in each other’s presence, is what I’m trying to nurture in their relationship, and I pray that it continues to grow through the rest of their lives.

Posted in family life, phfr

{pretty, happy, funny, real} – thankful for the things I do have

{pretty}

We may not have much space, especially outdoor space, but we have room for the beauty of green growing things:

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I’m not confident we’ll get any harvest, but at least the corn is pretty while it’s growing…

{happy}

We may not have lots of space to run around, or big places to explore and build forts and play games, but we have the security to play with carefree happiness in the space we do have:

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{funny}

We might not have space for me to back up enough to capture the whole of our tiny yard in a picture, but we have space for the boys to play together where I can capture them both at once like Rondel asked me to:

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Limerick splashing Rondel, who is really learning to put up with a lot.
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Parallel play – and the impossibility of getting them to look at the camera, or at me!

{real}

We may not have woods and grassy hills and flowers so they can touch and see and smell the wonders of nature, but at least we have a garden so they can feel the dirt on their hands… and taste it in their mouths! The realities of toddlers!

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There’s dirt in his mouth, on his face, and on his hand!
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No clue why he’s eating the pot… I don’t ask anymore

To be real with you, it makes me happy deep in my heart to see Rondel with dirt in his mouth and on his hands like that. The garden is one of the few places where he’ll relax enough to get truly messy: he’ll use his whole hand to dig in the soil instead of using one finger or a scoop/tool like he prefers to do with sand or play dough. (He won’t even touch gooey or slippery things, like cornstarch slime or Jello…) I know that letting him get dirty and become comfortable with his hands and body in the soil will have huge payoffs for his sensory processing skills, and since he really hates getting messy at other times (even with food) this is our stepping stone to improving his tactile processing skills. For me, even if nothing in the garden bears fruit, it’s worth it just to see my boy getting dirty without being bothered or wanting to be cleaned up instantly.

Go visit LMLD for the rest of the link-up! I hope you had a wonderful week as well 🙂